Thursday June 9th, 2010.

Nothing much happening but extreme training going on for months and then all of a sudden a new discovery in Autism research. Wow? Let's think about this.

Scientists have found a strand of genes within DNA that are responsible for someone having Autism and to my estimation other disorders as well. And to whatever extent these genes are affected so to will one's functionality be. This can now be determined by a simple blood test even before birth.

Yes, we now know that most cases are caused by genetics and less likely from vaccinations and such. But where do we go from here? Are they going to now develop drugs that will cure or disguise the effects Autism? Will it get someone to understand what they can't touch or would the know that there are consequences to their actions or words?

Will this knowledge do anything except duplicate some of the effects of music and classroom therapy which actually do more for you than any drug created? Will it do little more than do what most drugs do, that is; create windows of opportunity to the learning process.

What will ordinary people in general do with this knowledge? If the test is done prenatally then there will be a rise in abortions in all developed nations would rise for the squeamish and those not wanting children with any imperfection whatsoever.

Now, I do not get into the abortion debate or personal reproductive choices with anyone though I generally find it distasteful, but having something going from bad to worse would bother me greatly considering the greatest minds of our time were challenged in some way.

I don't want this knowledge to be the determining factor to terminate a pregnancy or the value of that child's contribution to the world.

I hope that I am completely wrong.  

Wednesday September 23rd, 2009

Just yesterday a group of kıds went back to a home of someone who had chased them out of the yard the week before. They promptly started the homeowner on fıre. What do you do ıf thıs happens? What can you do?

It ıs very dıffıcult of course but ultımately you must forgıve them. After all, the only way to excercıse our faıth ıs through forgıveness because they wıll know us by our love when ıt ıs so easy to exact revenge. That ıs so wrong. Two of those don't make a rıght. No matter what, we have to love those kıds otherwıse they may never change theır ways. Theır just kıds, of course. Kıds wıll often do crazy thıngs.

All homeowners should ınvıte kıds to theır homes and offer them money that they so badly need because let's face ıt, they're hungry, theır parents are nowhere to be found and certaınly don't care. Somebody has to take the ınıtıatıve and offer gang members support by gıvıng them all the love and forgıveness we possıbly can. Belıeve me, they'll apprecıate ıt eventually.

So next tıme somebody sets you on fıre, don't get mad, don't panıc! Gıve them all the love and forgıveness you can by gıvıng them a hug. Only then can they tell that you really care.

Saturday April 18th, 2009

WHY ME?!!! For several reasons over the course of my life I have asked this question of myself and under the circumstance others have asked: Why you? This is a very good question and I really wish I had an answer for that. In the past I have climbed mountains for no other reason than it was there (dumb but true!), or have cured seemingly incurable diseases in others because I could (another dumb reason, but true!), and gotten people to do things that were for their own good but made it seem like their own idea (because they wouldn't take someone else's idea to heart, another dumb reason!). I have counseled people on responsible bodybuilding, diet and exercise, ways of eating etc. to do with health. In the past 33 years I've brought harmony into other peoples lives and extolled the virtues of mind health through the most gradually complicated and most perfect machine ever built: The Piano.

But then somebody has to spoil it by treating me like a messiah when I really don't understand what I've done or accomplished. All I ever did was try to help in spite of my motives which I learned early on. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. IT'S ABOUT YOU!

In some ways this rant is about why does this happen to me? I should have known better. In other ways it's: why is this happening to me? Or why am I featured on this website instead of somebody else. Let's start with that.

A Joyful Noise School of Music was started because I had to address a need in the community for access to something that would help others in need. After all, society suffers greatly from ignorance toward those with mental, physical and financial challenges. Daily I would be reminded of this ignorance. People just didn't want to know. A hundred years ago they'd lock me in the closet when company came or wouldn't let me go to church, let alone join it. I'd be spending my life in an institution being babysat by the state. I am a higher functioning Autistic who just wants to do some good in the world and sometimes that involves a little creative thinking. So then, piano helps overcome ignorance from which we all suffer, overcomes low intelligence, builds confidence, improves motor skills, facilitates academia, speeds up recovery from most illnesses, surgery, stroke, brain disorders, and physical disability. What it doesn't cure, it improves almost to the point of imperceptibility. Yes, I say these things with good reason. Studies have proven this time and time again. Yet so many people believe it is still a luxury although we know it's a necessity. The more complex the stimulus, the greater the result.

Since I wanted to help others I needed to show them that if I could do it, so can they. You can overcome anything – if you put your mind to it. Somebody has the be out there saying this and doing this. Believe me, I may appear to be extroverted but I'm shy and I have to force myself to look people in the eye. AJN is not about me. It's about you!

I have been overwhelmed by people visiting the site and giving such positive comments about what they've seen here. The comments are uplifting but sometimes they lose sight of the fact that I'm just a guy who feels like there's a purpose to his being here and that this is not about him. I just happen to be here. In my career I have tuned over 30,000 tunings with about 14 or so complaints due to my talking, restored over 700 pianos and many other things making me the most prolific piano technician of all time. Being ADHD if I think about what I do I do a horrible job. Being Autistic if I don't think about what I do, I do it brilliantly. So in a nutshell, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. I JUST DO IT. GENETICALLY GIFTED. Anyway, I never went around bragging. I made mention of the fact that I could do things or have done things. I'm just the guy who picked up the phone.

Lament is something I have trouble doing. I don't do it well. Often it finds me in a depression where I throw up my hands and say: WHY ME???!!! This last week I was stood up twice, for what reason I really don't know. Don't think this was the first time either. You'd think I would have learned by now. One was a friend of a friend who really wanted to help me in my shop and make a few bucks and the other was someone who waits tables in a local eatery and possesses a degree. I saw something great in them and offered a position in AJN. With board approval of course. (That's always on my mind yet they always feel the need to remind me)Why do I trust people so much? Why do I see things in them that they can't or won't recognize for themselves? Why do I always see the good in people yet they try to prove me wrong and they never get that far that they actually prove me wrong? They always show the capability yet never see that they can actually can be great. (I waited for three hours in the Rona parking lot, on a Friday night?) I always play the fool. Waiting for that promised phone call after they get off work or sitting downstairs waiting for the friend of a friend to come down so I can take them to work. ( I drove half an hour there, half an hour back, for this, on a Saturday morning?) Luckily I had my book to read. (This time; To Kill A Mockingbird)

AM I STUPID?? AM I BEING LAUGHED AT?? IS IT THAT UNUSUAL FOR SOMEBODY TO BE NICE AND AS A RESULT PEOPLE THINK YOUR CREEPY OR NOT WORTH A CALL TO SAY: SORRY, ICI (my nickname), I CAN'T MAKE IT OR I'VE DECIDED THAT IT'S NOT THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR ME??? MAYBE I FEEL FOR YOU. I CAN CONTROL THAT IF THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU NEED. I'm like a genie. I give you a whole lotta wishes 'cause that's just me but I can be whatever you need me to be. Does that make me a bad, creepy, person?

People often take advantage of good nature or people who show trust and belief in them. Some see it as a sign of weakness. Even the best of people can inadvertently take advantage of you. I'm not the best looking guy either. If that's what you want try the fakes in Hollywood. If you're the beautiful one and I'm not good enough, too bad. You don't know me. But if you are the good person you feel you are and you really can help make a difference, call. Be there. Let me know you care about what we can do together as a team. There is so much good we can do in this world.

Usually, I'm a last resort, when nobody could or would save them or their piano.

WHY ME? BECAUSE SOMEBODY HAS TO. IT'S A TOUGH LIFE BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA LIVE IT.

Postscrıpt; I'm sıttıng ın my Shop Master's chaır. I'm not goıng to church today. I'm sore, my hands bleedıng from wounds I got yesterday that re-opened when I started strıngıng thıs mornıng. My thoughts start to ramble so I can work. I'm tıred. I thınk about all the people I've helped and couldn't help, and the strugglıng goıng on where they just can't see ıt. Thınkıng about those that are sufferıng to the poınt where I've asked them to joın me ın thıs servııce to the sufferıng as a means to end theırs. Dıd I mentıon I was tıred? Why me?

March 11th, 2009, 6:20 pm

IT'S THAT LAGE BOY AGAIN
Just like writing songs I can't rant everyday because frankly I'm frequently not upset nor am I particularly emotional for any reason. Usually I rant over injustices that happen around the world and relate it to my own personal experiences which at times are not pretty tales but nonetheless true. My last rant (look down, .......waaaay down) received several responses that were really quite encouraging to see that people can understand. But normal people that won't understand or take a moment to realize what is going on, upset me. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Yet normal people can say whatever they want, do whatever they want and get away with it.
Growing up I had to live by setting behavioral rules so it's very hard when people don't follow rules and they don't think the rules apply to them. Meanwhile rules were the only things I had to hang onto. If you play fair and by the rules you'll get rewarded in the end. Heaven maybe. But certainly not others. So I learned to lower my expectations of others. At the same time though I slowly raised my own expectations as to how I would act.
That has now transcended from childhood to the present where I have no expectations of others. I don't expect good or bad behaviour from people. I like to give and expect nothing in return. Too many times I have been let down to even count. Yet something keeps me from holding grudges. We hear frequently in the news how somebody got mistreated and blew everybody away. This is unacceptable of course. If they had grown up with some of these rules like “treat others as you would have them treat you” (love thy neighbour as thyself), then maybe they wouldn't have gotten themselves in this mess in the first place.
In the majority of these cases the parents or people in the system could have cared less as their child grew to adulthood and if they had a brain disorder they did little to treat it. I can't lean on the old “I had a lousy childhood so therefore it's ok that I'm bad”. There is still a responsibility on my part to still try to be the best person I can be. Today, everything that I do is because I care. To be dedicated to a life of service to others. You could question the motives of this blog or question the motive of my deeds and although there is a question of intent, it would likely never had occurred to me that I was doing anything other than being nice.
I think back often to the time I was twenty five as to how I could have handled the situation better - not win somebody back. Yes, it was very painful and hurtful where normal people would have buckled under the pressure of a broken heart. Not me. In fact I was too busy battling deep cyclical depression to go to an extreme. Several things I did could have been handled better. There are many rules that needed to be developed in order to avoid behaviours and what to let go of. So I needed to experience them first. But normal people ran away and didn't want to understand.
One situation was after my episode with wanting death. I gave a young man the wrong directions in a walkathon because I really didn't recall where St Mary's Rd met up with St Anne's Rd. Certainly I should have given a better answer than send him in a wrong direction. But when I was asked why I did it, I gave a flip answer that I wanted to walk with just the person I was with. A little later I cut down a side street and ran like crazy to get to a certain point before her. During this time I had an episode. I was still battling suicidal tendencies when she found me collapsed in a doorway crying again. I thought 'why me?', 'why now?'. It was a constant struggle to overcome these emotions that drowned me in a tidal wave. Certainly I could have handled it better. Sure there should have been rules. But would she stay and help me correct my errors? Would she cut some slack to somebody who didn't know what was happening to him?
The answer came in the car in front of her house. I guess she had enough evidence to convict me. I can't blame her. I needed to develop new rules, new strategies to be the best I could be. A year before this I would have said the answer was alcohol. For ten years I drank myself into oblivion to drown my sorrows. Now I was sober and actually had to deal with Autism, ADHD and Depression. I was given a new direction by a girl who showed me that I should become the very best I could be but she was too young to have had to deal with this potentially disappointing combination of disorders.
Another time I performed two songs in church on subsequent Sundays. On a Saturday I borrowed a set of bagpipes having never played before and performed Amazing Grace the next day without error. Yet my cheeks were like trumpeter Dizzy Gillespie's because I couldn't co-ordinate the breathing and the squeezing so I just blew. In hind site this was quite humorous. The next time I did a song I wrote called Stranger In Our House. I had built a church in my mind. In the past I chopped a lot of wood and I brought my double edged broad axe because I actually started a foundation of a church in the woods. I didn't brandish it. It was like 'show and tell'. Again, I wouldn't have known any better in either situation but I do know that some of the audience appreciated my skills, some laughed at me, and some thought I was nuts.
I see that I could have done things a lot better. I could have worked harder. I know that I tried in every way to be with somebody and battle the demons inside (which is another story). The problem was that these things were beyond my control. Nobody could ever say that I didn't try. Today I have found through prayer or meditation that I have been able to be aware of most situations. I wish everybody would take the time to look into themselves to be on their best behaviour and if not, then work on new strategies and rules to improve. You see a challenged person, CUT THEM SOME SLACK! I wish I knew then what I know now. Maybe this world would be a better place if we all took the time to reflect on our own behaviour. Remember: The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
For some people the world never gets better but they are normal. For them the jury is in;

Monday, March 9th, 2009 12:02 am

WHAT'S THAT LAGE BOY UP TO NOW?

This is my first Rant. For those who know me, they know that I can rant about issues facing the world and as to how people with challenges are treated. Yes, they make me angry, upset and hurt. So... from time to time I am going to blog and let you know what's going on in my head. I will tell you how others have been treated and my own personal experiences so that maybe you'll get some understanding as to how I and others feel.

This past week in the news we heard of a ghastly murder on a bus near Portage La Prairie Manitoba whose details need not be recapped here. The offender has a mental disorder that both prosecution and defense agreed should be referred to a guarded mental institution and not prison. Understandably, the victims family hoped for incarceration and not hospitalization. My opinion on this matter is irrelevant because the purpose of my rant is about the feelings of some who believe they are normal perceive others with brain disorders or other challenges in the same light as the perpetrator.

The vast majority of challenged people are harmless and only want a chance to be loved and have a meaningful life. Much hard work is involved to do tasks that are related to social skills, adaptability, and to fight ubiquitous depression for the ways in which we are perceived or treated. We are not this person and those of us with children being as genetically gifted with some call a brain disorder work hard to make our children good and responsible members of society, entering in on personal relationships and retain gainful employment. We don't need to be stigmatized, yet there are those who will choose, intentionally or not, to do so. Some will go so far as for the common good. Who does it serve to show an angst for the challenged? What will shunning or ostracism accomplish? ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!

Recently I had a situation where I was tuning at an institution where a little girl, clearly challenged, came up to me and engaged me in conversation. For me, this is nothing unusual. All of my life, children and adults have flocked to me like I'm Santa Claus or something. I usually ask them if they play the piano and if they don't then I'll encourage them to do so -- as my dear mother did because she said it makes you smart. I didn't want to be rude and after a chastising by the purchasing agent for the school I asked what she felt I should have done. It was established that I should have notified the office but hereafter I was not engaged by this school again.

A hundred years ago in our Mennonite tradition I would have been locked up in a closet when company came over and I certainly would never have been allowed to become a member of a church, much less educated. As a piano technician of thirty three years I have never had problems of a similar nature in any school division yet kids and adults always came to watch and they always got the same spiel. What then was the worst that could happen in this situation? A CHILD BECOMES INTERESTED IN PLAYING PIANO?

Here's the rest of the story.

The second love of my life -you remember, the one who told me I had worth in spite of myself with my feelings of deep cyclical depression at that time and stopped me from committing suicide and later decided she didn't believe me because she was coerced into feeling she did not believe me? Well, her kids go there and I donated a piano in her father's name who was well loved and lived across the street. Hey! You can't blame somebody who is grateful for being saved by the spirit and from certain death. The only reason she knew was because I left her a note saying it wasn't her fault. The age of twenty five was hell for me. I wanted to thank her for her intervention by donating a piano to two institutions. Without her I wouldn't be alive today to do any of the work I'm doing. I also tuned their pianos free of charge to this legacy until this.

Where did this paranoia come from? This visit was the first time I was ever asked to wear a name tag and sign in and out. Was this; LOCK UP YOUR KIDS, CHARLES IS COMING? It was clear that I had no intention of soliciting any child into a conversation or interaction but I've never been rude either. Was the paranoia because they thought I'd seek out and interact with her children? This is nonsense of course but I needed to clear this up with the principal of the school who is reputed to be a reasonable man and a Christian. But as I found out, just because somebody calls themselves a Christian doesn't mean that they have accepted what I call the challenge of Christ basically that you must LOVE EVERYONE AND ACCEPT EVERYONE. Clearly, paranoia has won in our society when they believe that someone with a brain disorder will somehow be a threat to somebody's children.

Yes, there are social skills problems, inability to understand abstract thought and not knowing the consequences of being, kind, gentle, friendly, honest, giving or caring. What part of that don't you understand? But to be discarded because one doesn't know any better than they've been taught in school or church – the same principles espoused by this school. If this happened to me, it will happen to any well meaning Autistic or person with a brain disorder. I offered to come on Saturday when nobody was in school. I offered to be escorted and locked into each room to no avail. Now I make certain that there are things they'll pay less for at other institutions to maintain the legacy indirectly along with deep prayer and meditations. They are forgiven.

What happens if we are grateful? What if we are shunned and ostracized for wanting to do some good in this world. Who decides what benevolence one might engage in? And who is in a position to judge them? What the perpetrator on the bus did was wrong. But don't judge people with brain disorders or challenges who want to do good in this world for no other reason than to help and to serve with no desire for anything save for a cup of tea. Are we being locked up in the closet again, not seen and not heard?

Charles